She can make that shot

So, I’m watching a WNBA game tonight. I know, Rick Butler, I’m the one. Anyway, a 6-foot-5 post player floats out to the top of the key. She catches a pass and, routinely, drains a wide-open 3-point shot.
After the shot, the TV color analyst explained proudly, “She can make that shot.”
I’m not even kidding. That’s what she said. “She can make that shot.”
No crap, Carla. (I don’t know that her name is Carla.) We know she can make that shot. We, literally, just saw her do it.
This woman is supposed to be somewhat of an expert on women’s basketball and generally knowledgeable on the sport as a whole. And, that’s what she came up with?
I kept waiting for her to expound on her commentary. Perhaps explain that the player had worked hard to extend her range or point out this was a shot the player wouldn’t have taken or made a year ago. But no, that was it. “She can make that shot.”
Why am I sweating?
I know I sound like an angry, bitter, old man. I won’t deny some of this. I am a man.
And I know you think I’m overreacting. I can’t help it. Incompetence irks me when it comes to basketball. If the only thing you can say after watching a person make a shot is, “She can make that shot,” perhaps you should just be quiet.
This wasn’t the only pearl to pop out of this woman’s pie hole. Earlier in the game, one team grabbed a defensive rebound. The other team had two of its players trip over each other and fall in the backcourt. The offensive team proceeded to push the ball up the floor and score.
This time, the color commentator, being the basketball savant that she is, stated proudly, “That’s what this team can do to you.”
What? Score with a 5-on-3 advantage? That’s what every team can do to you. That’s what most eighth grade teams can do to you.
She really said that. “That’s what this team can do to you.”
Why am I dizzy?
The lady would later explain why she didn’t wear her hair in a ponytail when she played. I can’t tell you exactly what she said because I think I blacked out for a second.
How many people tried out for this job?
Jealous? You’re calling me jealous?
You’re darned right I’m jealous. She’s sucking at a job, probably making close to triple-figures, while I’m at home eating burnt fish sticks on stale bread.
Oh, okay, now she’s explaining why she didn’t wear her hair in a ponytail. She wore it in a bun instead. Meanwhile, the teams are still playing somewhere in the background.
“She can make that shot.” She actually said that out loud, into a microphone.
Seriously, is it hot in here?
The thing is, I’m probably the only person who notices this stuff. Then again, I’ve heard other WNBA fans say they mute the television in order to enjoy the game. I’ve never done that but perhaps it’s something I should consider.
I just don’t understand why they can’t find qualified folks to broadcast the games. The WNBA doesn’t have a lot of fans but the fans it has are loyal. We want to support the league even while our friends mock us. (Bite me, Rick Butler.)
But how can you defend a league whose expert commentary consists of, “She can make that shot,”?
I know I didn’t dream this. She watched a player make a shot and followed it up with, “She can make that shot.”
Really? The shot she just made? You’re telling me she can make that shot?
Ma’am, you are a basketball genius.
Hold on, I think I may be having a stroke … wait … okay, maybe not.
I know I shouldn’t be making myself ill watching a game. I also know I’m not perfect at my job, either. I’m sure there have been times a reader has been left scratching their head at one of my typos.
But we’re not talking about me here. Besides, considering how much money I make, I do a pretty damn good job. Trust me on that.
And, I’m pretty sure any faux pas in my past was not on the level of, “She can make that freaking shot.”
Did I mention the lady had just made the shot and then the commentator explained, “She can make that shot,”?
Lord have mercy.
Where’s my aspirin?