Bite me, Red Hickey

It’s Red Hickey’s fault.
Hickey is credited with creating the shotgun formation in football in 1960. I’m sure he was a brilliant human being, but the shotgun formation is really ruining football for me.
I’m an old dude, watched football since I was about 8-years-old. And no, I’m not one who believes everything was better in the 70s. Innovative thinkers create evolution and growth.
Mr. Hickey’s shotgun formation was progress for football. It created a new dimension for both passing and running the football and helped introduce the spread offense. But I wonder if he envisioned his invention eventually becoming the primary formation in football.
I’m an old dude. Did I say that before? I forgot. Anyway, I’m an old dude. When it comes to football, I like fullbacks and tight ends. I like offensive linemen in a three-point stance, and I want to see my quarterback with his hands under the center.
When I see an offense line up in the shotgun on first-and-goal from the 1, an icy chill oozes up my spine. My vision blurs and a tiny blip of drool seeps from the corner of my mouth.
When I share my point of view with young football coaches, they laugh and shake their head in disbelief. I ask why the shotgun all the time and they respond like a parent would answer a child who asked why dogs bark and cats meow.
It’s way too complicated for a guy like me to understand.
Damn you, Red Hickey.
The shotgun formation is great. I just don’t get teams that can’t line up traditionally with a fullback and a tight end and push forward for two yards on third-and-1. Yeah, on third-and-10, get in the shotgun. Dazzle me with your sophisticated crossing routes. Baffle me with your jet sweeps and bubble screens.
But if you can’t get a yard a fourth-on-inches, you suck.
I’ve talked to 300-pound offensive linemen who would rather pass block than run block. What? Seriously?
You’d rather get on your heels and fend off a charging defensive end, playing paddy cake with your hands than put your hand in the dirt, lower your pads, fire off and knock a %$#*&@ on his *&^%#2!?
Really?
I hate you Red Hickey.
Offensive linemen have become fat ballet dancers. Running backs are receivers. Receivers are scat backs. Fullbacks are extinct. Tight ends are too small to block and too slow to play receiver. And the quarterback has become the most important person on the field. That’s what the shotgun has done. Everything revolves around the quarterback and if your quarterback struggles, the offense struggles.
Football used to be the ultimate team game. I liked it.
Now, it’s all about the quarterback and the spread offense and chunking the pigskin around the yard. It’s about hurry-up offenses and pistol sets. The basic center-quarterback exchange now requires an accurate snap from center and a clean catch by the QB before the actual play can even commence.
Should it really be so complicated? So intricate?
Football was never meant to be a dance. It was a manpower sport where players tried to impose their will on their opponents. You’d run the same play over and over until the defense manned up to stop it. Play-action used to mean something.
The sport has evolved, you say. Stop living in the past old man. Those days are gone and they’re not coming back.
And before you ask, no, I don’t miss black-and-white televisions, too.
I like innovation. I love a sophisticated passing attack. Jet sweeps make me giggle with delight.
But if you can’t get a yard on fourth-and-inches … in my opinion, you suck. If you can’t push the ball into the end zone from the 1-yard line, you don’t deserve to win.
That’s football. Or, that used to be football.
Bite me, Red Hickey.

An honest mistake?

Almost every day something reminds me just how differently Americans view the world. This might be the only country on the planet where two people can grow up during the same time period and have completely opposite views of the same picture.
It’s weird. But I think it’s kind of cool, too.
I didn’t follow the case closely in Texas of the female police officer who got off work and, accidently, walked into the wrong apartment. I’m sure you heard of it. She was tired and, I guess disoriented a bit. I don’t know. But she walked into a black man’s apartment by mistake and shot him dead. Did I mention he was in his own apartment?
Anyway, she was convicted of murder on Tuesday and the verdict was met with differing opinions. Some thought it was a just decision while others insisted it was some sort of overreaction.
One person said, “It was an honest mistake,” by the police officer.
I’m not sure how to even respond to that. But, again, we all come from different situations. We don’t have the same views because we all have our own sets of eyes.
When I see or hear people rush to the lady’s defense, obviously, they’re seeing something different than what I’m seeing. That’s fine. I’m not mad at them. I don’t share their views because I didn’t grow up in their household. I haven’t walked in their shoes or watched in their eyes.
I guess it’s the old, I see a glass half full and you see it half empty sort of thing.
As for the police officer convicted of murder, I can only offer an opinion based on my own point of view.
If I walked into a white woman’s apartment and shot her twice while she was eating ice cream, there wouldn’t be a murder conviction. The authorities would bring the electric chair to the apartment, unplug the toaster, plug in the chair and I’d be dead before they could get the police tape set up.
I’ll respect your opinion if you respect mine.

Hogs earn 'moral victory'

I heard more than one Razorback fan say, “I don't want no moral victory,” after Arkansas' 31-27 loss to Texas A&M on Saturday. I have to disagree.
Before I continue, exactly what is a moral victory?
The definition I found said, “a defeat that can be interpreted as a victory on moral terms, for example, the defeated party defended their principles.”
My definition of a moral victory is a loss that could've been a lot worse than it was.
By my definition, Arkansas fans should be pleased with their team's performance on Saturday.
Yes, I was the one back in 2011 who said fans shouldn't be satisfied after Arkansas' 31-26 loss to Ohio State in the Sugar Bowl. That was not a moral victory. It was a devastating, disappointing loss.
The difference? The Razorbacks were 10-2 going into the game with a chance to vault the program into the elite in college football. Arkansas was better than Ohio State that year. Anything less than a victory had to be a disappointment.
Fast forward to Saturday, with the Hogs going 0-for-a couple of seasons in the SEC. The expectations have changed.
Honestly, after the debacle against San Jose State, watching the Razorbacks take the Aggies down to the wire should've made you feel so much better about the program. Yeah, it was a game Arkansas could've won. And, yeah, a win would've given the program such a needed boost.
But, if after watching the game you still don't feel like the Hogs took a step in the right direction, perhaps you should just go ahead and leap off the bandwagon.
I thought the team looked pretty good. The defense actually defended the pass. Or, attempted to. The tackling was … somewhat better … maybe.
At defensive end, Junction City's Jamario Bell had a heck of a game. He lost containment once early but after that, he was rock solid. I thought he played well. I'm so happy for that young man, who has persevered through injuries, position changes and all sorts of stuff. He's finally getting his chance and is making the most of it.
Offensively, Arkansas moved the ball and made some key third-down conversions. Ben Hicks, who replaced an injured Nick Starkel, looked good … really good. He made throws I didn't know he could make. Hell, where's that guy been all season?
Coach Chad Morris asserted after the game that Starkel is still the starter. That's O.K. I think Starkel gives the team the best chance to win. But, Hicks showed he can play in this league, at least on his best day.
Arkansas can feel pretty good about the quarterback position, which is something that couldn't be said a year or two ago.
And, the Razorbacks showed fight. They competed. I know, that's what they're supposed to do. But still, it was good to see on a nationally televised game.
They didn't win and they could've, probably should've.
But, for Razorback fans to turn up their noses at this “moral victory” would be like a starving, homeless person saying no to a Chick-fil-A sandwich. Even if it's not what you want, you'd better take it because there might not be anything better coming your way anytime soon.

What's the problem with the Razorbacks?

How damaging was Arkansas’ 31-24 loss to San Jose State on Saturday? A four-star cornerback, who had verbally committed to sign with the Razorbacks, announced he had re-opened his recruiting process and reneged on the commitment.
I don’t believe he said it was a direct result of the Hogs’ embarrassing loss. But he didn’t have to say it.
It’s hard to commit early to a team that’s turning into a joke, especially when you have other, better offers on the table.
Arkansas finds itself in a catch-22. Fire Coach Chad Morris and his staff and risk losing another recruiting class. Or, keep the staff and risk more embarrassing losses, which could also hurt the recruiting class.
A big reason Arkansas’ program is in its current situation isn’t even Morris’ fault. Bret Bielema’s final two recruiting classes were poor. Actually, when he was fired, that class yielded next to nothing.
Teams don’t recover from one awful recruiting class, let alone two. When Morris arrived in Fayetteville, he took over a program bereft of talent. To his credit, last year’s class, on paper, looked really good. On the field, it’s still pretty good with two stud receivers and a lot of promising young talent.
The question is, can Morris run an SEC program that competes on a national level? He’s never done it before. Has he shown us anything, so far, that would make anyone think he can lead Arkansas back to a top-25 level?
Okay, let’s give him a check for recruiting. The Razorbacks had a class ranked close to, if not in the top-25 last season.
But, can he coach?
Not gonna lie, I was horrified in his very first game last year when Arkansas was penalized for having two players on the field wearing the same number. It was on a special teams play, and no one made a big deal out of it because the Hogs won the game.
But seriously? It’s called attention to detail and how can you preach that to players when the coaches don’t realize they have two players on the field wearing the same damn number?
At the high school level, can you imagine that happening to a Scott Reed-coached team?
Honestly, it wasn’t a big deal, but it shocked me and alarmed me, to say the least. Obviously, bigger problems were to come.
I’ve listened to Coach Morris speak to the press and even interviewed him, briefly, face-to-face. To say he’s not very charismatic is a massive understatement. Of course, neither was Bobby Petrino. But, Petrino was an offensive mastermind.
What’s Morris’ calling card as a coach?
I think they need to give him more time to find out. Bailing on another coach, in my opinion, would crush recruiting. Three terrible recruiting classes in four years is damn near equivalent to the death penalty.
As bad as the coaching might be, closing the talent gap in the SEC is the biggest issue in Fayetteville. Arkansas got pushed around by San Jose State. That can’t happen and I’m not sure that’s a problem with Xs and Os or, as Jeff Williams used to say, Jimmys and Joes.
Oh, some changes to the staff have to be made. The tackling and pass coverage were beyond atrocious. How do you overrun every single play?
And, as young and inexperienced as Arkansas’ offensive line is, five guys have to be able to block four. I mean, I’m no math genius but, come on.
I’m not impressed with Coach Morris or this staff. But, a lot of these problems were here when he arrived. Can’t blame everything on him. Frankly, I just know that Arkansas cannot afford to start all over again.
Instead of calling for another coach’s head, it’s time Hog fans took a deep breath and show some patience and support this program. Arkansas has to have a good recruiting class and it’s not going to help lure players to the hill when the entire state is bitching about the coach.
Besides, it has to get better. I mean, it can’t be this bad.
Can it?

I don't mean no harm but ...

When was subtlety invented? How about tactfulness?
I ask because those words didn’t exist when I was growing up. There was no tip-toeing around someone’s feelings or beating around the bush. Opinions or critiques were clear, concise and absolutely unfiltered.
I’ve seen young athletes have terrible games and then watched them get comforted by their parents.
“Oh, Sweetie, don’t worry about those two free throws you missed with one second on the clock. That wasn’t the reason the team lost by one point tonight. You did good.”
“Son, I know you went 0-for-3 at the plate with three strikeouts looking. That wasn’t on you. It was that dadgum umpire’s fault. Let’s go beat him up.”
I do believe a parent should pick a youngster up when they’re down emotionally. There were times as a child I could’ve used a little less honesty myself.
When I got cut from the basketball team in the ninth grade, my dad, thoughtfully, told me, “Boy, you know you can’t play. I don’t know why you keep trying.”
Quite the motivational speaker he was.
But that’s the way all the older people were when I was a kid. Honestly, a lot of the young folks didn’t want their parents around when they played. You think striking out with the bases loaded is depressing during the game, wait for the ride home.
Grandparents were probably the most brutal. When an old lady began a sentence, “Baby, I don’t mean no harm,” you knew some harm was about to come your way.
Old men just laughed at your shortcomings.
“That boy ain’t worth a dime,” was used often to describe a boy who wasn’t around.
“Boy, you ain’t worth a dime,” was used when the boy was standing right there.
Other colorful phrases included, “You ain’t peed a drop.” And, “You ain’t worth the powder it’d take to blow you up.”
Of course, if you excelled at something, you were given that message, too. I guess. I wouldn’t really know about that.
The point is, a world of brutal honesty wasn’t the best when it came to building confidence and self- esteem. But it wasn’t all bad, either. After all, honesty is the best policy.
When a kid strikes out three times, he doesn’t need a kick in the pants. He feels bad enough. He doesn’t need a hug and a cookie, either. He needs encouragement but a little dose of tough love never hurts.
Sugar-coating isn’t healthy. But a little tact sprinkled in with some honest criticism is probably the best way to go.
Of course, how would I know? Apparently, I ain’t peed a drop since I was eight.

Worst wrestling match ever?

As a lot of people know, I’m a life-long fan of professional wrestling. That’s not a popular thing to say these days as the WWE product isn’t very good.
But I still watch. Perhaps “glance” would be more accurate.
I do try to support the female wrestlers, though. They’ve been treated poorly by the WWE for far too long. It’s nice to see them get a little bit of positive attention for something other than man-made body parts.
Monday night on RAW, the women had a four-way match between Carmella, Naomi, Natalya and Alexa Bliss, which would decide the No. 1 contender for a championship match against Becky Lynch. The match was horrendous and the fans, being the true wrestling crowd, booed the performers loudly.
That’s not news. Male performers have been heckled, jeered and worse when they’ve failed to entertain the audience. It’s professional wrestling. It happens. Stumble over your words in a promo, you get laughed at. Miss a spot in a match, you get heckled.
That’s the way it goes and since it’s a live show, it happens fairly often.
My issue is with some of the responses I’ve read since the match about how it was so unfair to the women to be treated so badly. They were doing the best they could. Blah.
I love women’s wrestling. I own more than one Alexa Bliss t-shirt. I think she’s wildly entertaining, one of the best female talkers in history.
But that match sucked.
It went on for way too long with nothing happening. How can you have a four-person elimination match with rest holds? The whole point in having four people in a match is there should be non-stop action. Two people go at it in the ring while the other two rest outside of the ring. That’s how it works.
In Monday’s match, which lasted more than 20 minutes, probably 15 of those minutes were rest holds. I haven’t seen that many chin locks since Harley Race retired.
Plus, other than Bliss, the match featured the most bland personalities on the entire show. Some folks like Carmella. I don’t but she does have a fan base, so I’ll leave her out. She was eliminated after about five minutes anyway so most of the boos don’t land on her.
Naomi and Natalya, bless their hearts, are the black holes of charisma. Personality-wise, there just ain’t nothing there. Natalya is supposed to be this great in-ring wrestler. I don’t see it. Naomi is extremely athletic but none of that athleticism translates into fighting moves. She can jump really high and dance - super duper.
It’s amazing they finally give ring time to women and this was the foursome they chose while real wrestlers like Sonya Deville, Ember Moon, Asuka and Kairi Sane sit in the back waiting for an opportunity.
Anyway.
Whoever booked that match should be beaten with a kendo stick. The fans were right. Hell, I was booing at home.
It’s been well documented what Vince McMahon thinks of females in the wrestling business. The WWE won’t be giving the women many opportunities and the one Monday was wasted.
Don’t complain about fans booing. Ask yourself if the booing was warranted. Women will never be treated as well as their male counterparts because a lot of men are just sexist pigs. But some of us want to cheer the ladies because they can be entertaining and put on good matches.
But ya’ll have to give us a reason to cheer. Because if you give us a reason to boo, that’s exactly what we’re going to do.

Time for the death penalty

I’ve never been a huge advocate for capital punishment especially in cases where there’s even a one-percent chance of executing an innocent person. To me, there’s no greater crime than executing an innocent human being.
But I’m going to be honest with ya’ll, when they catch the fools opening up ice cream in grocery stores, licking the top and then putting them back on the shelf, I say we fry their sorry arses.
How trifling can a human being be?
I guess they’ve caught other folks on camera spitting mouthwash back into the bottle and returning it to the shelf. Now other dumb arses are being copycats and doing the nasty with other sorts of food items.
I know we’re not a third world country but, in my opinion, that’s a third world crime. They should be treated like third world criminals.
I mean, that’s just nasty. Murderers on death row are disgusted by this nonsense.
What we should do is find all these idiots and then locate their parents and bring them in for questioning. If you raise a child that grows up to be that damn disrespectful, you should lose some of your human privileges, too.
I try not to judge but if your child opens up a box of Blue Bell, licks it, giggles and puts it back on the shelf, Sir, Ma’am, you did something wrong.
I saw an old lady in Brookshires eating grapes once. I felt sorry for her and pretended I didn’t see her when she noticed me. At least she was eating them and not putting them back for others to grab. But that was bad enough.
But what these people are doing is a hundred times worse. They’re not hungry. They’re just disrespectful, disgusting bastards.
I’m sorry for the salty language but this really burns my bacon. Speaking of, thank God bacon comes in a sealed package. As it is, I won’t buy any more ice cream that isn’t sealed by plastic. And I love me some Blue Bell Dutch Chocolate.
These fools have changed the way I shop. And, they think it’s funny.
I don’t know what the charge is for what they did but it needs to at least be a felony. It wouldn’t hurt my feelings if it was punishable by death.
Nasty bastards.